Speech at Toronto 11th June 2005



      SPEECH AT TORONTO  11th JUNE 2005


MSCCC Members, Morgan Drivers, Morgan Navigators, Girl Friends, Ladies, Gentlemen, Wheel Clampers, Jill, the appalling waitress at Munisings and wives,


I’d first like to thank all of you who greeted us off the car ferry at Tobermorey. It was an unexpected and fantastic reception, which touched us all.


I’d also like to thank the MSCCC, for hosting us tonight, but I can’t do that yet, not until “Happy Hour” starts, because only then will Colin Cundy get some drinks in!


As you know, our MOAs usually happen every five years, but MOA V might have to wait for sometime because, in 2009, one year before we are due back over here, it’s the 100th Anniversary of Morgans and I know many of you are planning to ship your cars to the UK for those Celebrations.


To coincide with them, I’m considering organising an MOE, Morgans Over Europe, so keep an eye on the web-site for details. It will be on a strictly first come first served basis and for a reduced number of cars, twenty maximum. Those of you on this trip have a chance of getting on the waiting list early, but only if your wives and girlfriends are nice to me from now on. To give you a little guidance, I do like tiny pleated skirts, thongs and French kisses.


Actually, this might be an appropriate time to tell you that I have the distinction of being the quickest person in history, to be removed from e-mog., the Canadian Morgan chat site. I lasted exactly ten days before I was ejaculated by the Moderators. I had found it to be rather boring, so I thought I’d add a little of my humour…..but obviously mine is different from theirs. However, as you can hear, it’s their sad loss, not mine.


Now this is the first MOA on which I have travelled without my first wife Gill…I call her that to keep her on her toes!


Until quite recently, I’d been getting more and more desperate text messages from her, like, “I’m missing you” and then, “I’m missing you terribly” and yet another, “The bed’s too big without you”….then finally, I got this one,” My darling Jem, I’ve just seen a terrible thing on TV from Wisconsin. The Police have found a badly decomposed body, baldy head, oily fingernails, saggy belly, no dress sense, wearing purple socks. Please, please, text back as soon as you get a signal, so I know you’re alright!”


Anyway, she’s OK now, because I shipped home an exquisite, hand sewn, quilt from Galena, which, amazingly, took only three days to get to my home in Liverpool. She’s already spread it on the SPARE bed, awaiting my return.


So my companion on this trip is the multiple exotic car owner, Chris “Tonto” Godwin. He’s the husband of one of my closest and best friends! He’s an ace tracker, who has always spotted the deliberate mistakes which Steve Roake has put in to test us! He can read oil droppings from twenty five feet and he can even tell if its fully synthetic, or the cheap stuff that Vern Dale Johnson has been dripping all over the place from that mysteriously split sump……Tonto suspects sabotage!

Anyway, most mornings, Tonto and I are the last away……well someone has to be and we all know the support vehicle will be at the front of the wagon train!!..........so we have invested in a shovel to scoop-up all the things which have fallen from the cars…..all less well prepared than mine!


Early on we came across some gearbox parts from Phil and Elaine’s 4/4. Then we found a coil from Peter and Lesley Jones’s +4, a voltage amplifier from Ben and Judy Fryrear’s +8 and a Sat-Nav. system and some expensive cigar butts from Michael and Sherry Myers Aero. Then we came across not one, but two complete cooling fan assemblies from Gerry and Maggie Pell’s +8, a few nuts and bolts from Phillip Mason’s Aero’s steering wheel and a waterpunp and manifold gaskets from Arthur and Pat Edge’s wet and noisy +8.


We also scooped-up a used condom, which Tonto assures me is a rare find, because its aubergine flavoured! …..yes, you’ve got to admire him!!. But our best find so far, was the beautiful, chromed filler cap, which we found in the middle of the road about a mile from the Chanticleer Inn at Eagle River, Wisconsin.


Realising we had our hands on exotic “Treasure Trove”, Tonto and I decided to scan through all the cars in Elaine’s excellent entrants directory, to find one which might sport such a beautiful object. Could it have fallen from Ken and Barbie Miles’ 4/4, which had already won the concours at Duluth, or might it have come from Bob and Barbara Stinson’s +4? …but no, we decided it MUST have come from Vern Dale-Johnson’s green +4, which has lots of chrome, is loud and flashy and had been losing oil heavily, so he could easily have forgotten to tighten the cap on when refilling with gallons of oil…. Actually, he was overheard once at a “full serve” Gas Station saying…”Fill it up please, and oh!!.......check the petrol”……


Remembering the disaster he had on MOA III, when he lost all his engine oil when a pipe parted from his oil cooler causing terminal damage to his engine, Tonto and I decided to make all speed to try to catch him up before any serious engine damage was done this time. I drove like fury, naturally respecting Tonto’s dicky heart, but still with an eye on that Bentley Continental!


As usual, I had my video camera in my right hand, still camera in my left, steering with my knees, but we simply couldn’t find him. We HAD hoped he’d be stricken at the roadside, kicking the tyres, or wondering how many olives he could cram into the next, very dry Martini and checking his wallet to see if he could afford to pay for the support vehicle’s fuel when his big brother, Rob, eventually returned to rescue him.


But no, it was much later in the day when we encounterd him, at the Michigan Iron Industry Museum at Negaunee, incidentally, a superb museum and a “MUST SEE” for all you rust fanatics!!


Our conversation went something like this:

ME: “Hello Vern, lost anything?”

VERN:…a little agitated “Have you got it…have you really got it?”

ME: being cool…..”Yes, I’ve got it”

VERN: “Is it still shiny? Is the rubber still in good condition? Can I use it again?”

ME: “Well,….. used condoms do have a certain glint, but I wouldn’t describe it as shiny….and Tonto says it’s lost some of its aubergine flavour, …..but personally, I wouldn’t use it again!”

VERN:…..now talking as fast as I usually do, “No, I didn’t mean that, anyway it was Glen’s, he threw it away….NO, I meant my rather fine, double chromed oil filler cap, its irreplaceable…have you got that too?”

ME: Oh yes, I’ve got that for you, shall I pop it on the engine for you?...but what shall I do with that old condom?


Vern didn’t reply, but his enigmatic smile said it all and its now in Tonto’s SPECIAL collection.


I have two gifts for Vern, the first is actually for you to give to Glen. Its one of a packet of three, which my first wife so lovingly packed for me…and yes, they are out of date too!!.....and now there’s one missing, that will make her wonder!! I’m sorry its not aubergine flavour, but it IS blueberry and Marj Scooros says that’s as close as she can get these days. I also have a present for you, it’s a flashing Martini glass to go with your flashy car.


Finally, I have some sad news to report. Our support vehicle, driven by Rob, is stopping here. He’s got fed-up with having to pay for his own fuel since we fixed all the cars at Duluth. I have a present for him, which, unknown to him, he’s been carrying for me for ages. I hope he doesn’t charge me carriage! Its Gerry Pell’s last fan, which he dumped at Niagara, but which I retrieved from the trash so I could present it to him tonight….


Tonto has written a poem to go with it:























Oh, I’ve just been signalled its “Happy Hour” now, so Colin can get the drinks in and I can officially thank the MSCCC for hosting us tonight, it is much appreciated, even by the Belgians.







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